Six years

On August 30, 2008 I fell six stories from the roof of my New York apartment building. Six years ago today,  I was found in an air shaft, I was a Jane Doe in a hospital, and I was looked at as a patient that may not make it through the night.

It's a little surreal writing these words. Surreal because, well, I almost died, and yet my heart is still beating. This almost feels like an out of body experience. 

Sad, mad, and regretful are three things I'm not. Mainly because I was able to keep this precious life a little longer. Not to mention, if this happened to me to prevent anything from happening to anyone I care about or love, then I count my lucky stars that it was me and not them. The "why me" and "what ifs" left my brain a long long time ago. 

I feel we take our lives for granted. Including myself. When this life of ours gets interrupted by major events, physically, emotionally, financially, and whatever else, we take it pretty hard. We forget though that our own hearts are still beating.  That to me is the hardest of things to do. The fact that it still is, just means that the hardest part is over, and everything else is our paths are just peanuts compared to that.

You may not agree with my statement, but those are my feelings. Some people get this golden light of life, and this golden light isn't through until it's through, taking the good, the bad, and the ugly with it.

I say this just to open your eyes a bit. Embrace the roller coaster ride of life. You only get one.

Nicole

I get knocked down

"I get knocked down, but I get up again. You're never gonna keep me down".

I'm pretty sure I've heard this line in movies, read in books, and heard it from numerous folks I know. My point is, I'm familiar with the saying. It just never struck me really, until now.

Early, I had written something in one of my posts about goals and road bumps. When you set something for yourself, and then having unexpected land mines you'll hit along the way towards your goals. 

Sadly, we don't ever get the things we want  the way we want to get them. Want to be fitter? Trimmer? Well, there is no pill you can take that will give you muscles right away, so you have to work for it.  

Imagine this, you  workout everyday for almost a year, then, unexpectedly, you brake your ankle. The doctor  says to stay off your foot for a month. Here's the problem, you've been getting ready for the last six months, training for this marathon, which is exactly one month away.

Quitting seems like an easy option. I mean, "what's the point?" Right? Not really. Think about it. Breaking your ankle is a set back towards what your going and moving towards. This is a huge obstacle. 

You probably have to sit this marathon out, however,  it doesn't mean you still can't do it again. So it's not happening this go around. In the meantime, use this time to prepare and get even better then your best!

Living in this moment is easy. Especially when you've mapped out a plane, a road for yourself. The challenge,  is still being true to yourself and staying on your road. Trying not to allow any mishaps that you encounter throw you off of your path. You can do it. 

Nicole

Gossip...

I have  a little secret. My guilty pleasure is trash T.V. Mainly the Real Housewives, because it makes me feel good about my life. One thing that I can't get over is the amount of gossip that goes on. 

I can't pretend I've never done it, because I have. I'm human, and I have flaws. Does that make it right? Nope, but it's out there. 

 

When I was in school, I read a play called "Doubt". There was one passage in the play that really stood out in my mind:

“Father Brendan Flynn: "A woman was gossiping with her friend about a man whom they hardly knew - I know none of you have ever done this. That night, she had a dream: a great hand appeared over her and pointed down on her. She was immediately seized with an overwhelming sense of guilt. The next day she went to confession. She got the old parish priest, Father O' Rourke, and she told him the whole thing. 'Is gossiping a sin?' she asked the old man. 'Was that God All Mighty's hand pointing down at me? Should I ask for your absolution? Father, have I done something wrong?' 'Yes,' Father O' Rourke answered her. 'Yes, you ignorant, badly-brought-up female. You have blamed false witness on your neighbor. You played fast and loose with his reputation, and you should be heartily ashamed.' So, the woman said she was sorry, and asked for forgiveness. 'Not so fast,' says O' Rourke. 'I want you to go home, take a pillow upon your roof, cut it open with a knife, and return here to me.' So, the woman went home: took a pillow off her bed, a knife from the drawer, went up the fire escape to her roof, and stabbed the pillow. Then she went back to the old parish priest as instructed. 'Did you gut the pillow with a knife?' he says. 'Yes, Father.' 'And what were the results?' 'Feathers,' she said. 'Feathers?' he repeated. 'Feathers; everywhere, Father.' 'Now I want you to go back and gather up every last feather that flew out onto the wind,' 'Well,' she said, 'it can't be done. I don't know where they went. The wind took them all over.' 'And that,' said Father O' Rourke, 'is gossip!”
― John Patrick Shanley, Doubt  

Something to think about. Amazing huh?

Nicole

Amazing

Today I'd like to open this blog with the video below.

I hope you enjoy...

Little background. In 2001 Jay Leno was host of the Tonight Show and Conan O'Brien was promised his slot once his contract was up in 2004. Instead, NBC kept Jay Leno and Conan 'O Brien. Conan was host of the Tonight Show with Jay's own prime time show before the news and before The Tonight Show. Sadly, it didn't really work out, NBC gave Leno his slot back and Conan graciously bowed out a year later in 2010. That is my quick cliff notes version.

On Conan's final Tonight Show, he gave a speech thanking everyone who had helped him on show, NBC, and all his loyal viewers. Though, the best part of the speech I believe was what you just watched.

When we set out a goal, a path if you will, for ourselves, and we've been working towards it our whole lives, sometimes things, events, circumstances, happen that interrupt our journey. We can be going strong as we make our strides and BAM! Something completely unexpected interrupts our journey. Some life changing event takes place and now everything you've worked towards seems to be severely in jeopardy.

Now, just because something has interrupted your path, doesn't necessarily mean your goals are now in jeopardy. I'm sure it may feel that way, and it may take sometime to get back on your  path, but don't forget to keep going. So what if your path has been interrupted? You've come this far, you've got it in you, you can still keep going and make the best of whatever cards you've been dealt. You can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Amazing things can happen. Don't define yourself by the obstacles you've faced, but by the obstacles you've faced and overcome.

You may not be a fan of Conan, but I will say, I think he's on to something...

Nicole

Eye opener

Ah, summer time. It seems like forever to get to here, and then once it comes, it's as if it vanishes before you know it.

The other day, while I was thinking about how fast the summer comes and goes, a song popped in my head. Funny because, this songs title has also been the title of a movie, quotes, and songs, "The Pursuit of Happiness". In some form or fashion, we're all on our own pursuit of happiness, our own conscious and unconscious quest for happiness.

Ever heard the saying "misery loves company"? Even though it's misery, it still loves company. Company is it's happiness. Now, that's not exactly my idea of happiness, but, to each their own.

I am on my own quest for happiness. I've found pieces of it here and there this summer and I plan on continuing it into the fall, winter, and so on. Just like the summer comes and goes, so can our happiness. The trick is to always remind yourself that you can find it again. Always.

On my pursuit, I got a huge dose of it last week. My happiness was at an all time high and it took place in Oakland, California where I spent the whole week at a dance intensive with AXIS Dance company.  To learn more about AXIS, click on the links below.  Working with AXIS was a happiness I haven't felt in awhile. It was the kind of happiness that you know you possess yet it seems to be misplaced somewhere. Well, just like a light bulb clicking on, so did my happiness. My happiness was related to dance, and just how much I love it and miss it. Plus being surround by a community of people who are all experiencing the same type of happiness is a pretty amazing experience.

The same thing happens when I give a speech. There is an unexplained happiness inside of me like non other. I know I'm not alone. Surely you must have a source of happiness you've experienced or are in the process of at least. If not, I say, claim happiness in your life and for yourself.

The Wizard of OZ, know it? Well, Dorothy's famous song in the film, "some where over the rainbow" has a very beautiful and interesting message. To sum it up, we as humans, are constantly dreaming of a better place beyond the here & now. It's a nice song but,  I think we shouldn't be dreaming of a better place beyond the here & the now. Instead, it should just be about the here & now. We all want some sort of paradise/happiness and the things you do now, will effect your happiness in the future.

Happy little blue birds do sing beyond the rainbow, and there are places of happiness you've probably heard in lullabies, but you can just as easily find them and make them a reality. You just need to make the first move...

and I know you can.

Nicole