I was asked a month ago to perform at a concert for Joni Eareckson Tada. Joni Eareckson Tada is an artist, recording artist, radio host, author, cancer surviver, and she has been a quadriplegic since she was 17 due to a diving accident. The women is 67 now, and travels the county
Bel haven University in Jackson, put together an "uplifting night with Joni Eareckson Tada. An inspirational evening for all to attend," and I performed on stage to a song she recorded while she watched from the audience before she spoke.
Now, whenever I perform, be it a speech I'm giving at a conference, acting on stage, playing to the camera, or dancing for a concert, I always like to prepare before hand. Usually as early as I can. I knew this was one performance I was really wanting to nail because of the occasion and because I have massive respect for Joni. The women should experience a wonderful performance.
Thus the pressure began. Did you know that we are actually our own worse critics? Well we are, or at least we are totally unconscious that we are. For me, I want my best to be always better. Call me a bit of a perfectionist. But it's true, when performing, I want to give 110%.
The dance I performed, I did with a partner. Words can't describe how exhilarating that felt. I haven't danced with a partner since my accident and it was amazing. Everything I've ever learned about dancing with a partner just flooded back into my brain. It felt the same as riding a bike. Now, knowing I can do this, the dance and the practices started to become more about looking good and looking normal instead of letting go , having fun, and just dance.
Finally Saturday came. The time had arrived. A months worth of practice, everything we have been working on is now about to come to life. I'm in costume, my partner is in costume our music starts and we perform. After our performance, we, along with other dancers that performed in dance pieces before ours, all formed a complete line and gave our bows. We received a standing ovation.
Once we left the stage, Joni appeared in her wheel chair backstage. She congratulated us and gave us her praise and excitement. Joni then went and waited backstage until she was introduced and the rest of the dancers migrated to the dressing room. Myself...well, I was over wheeled with disappointment. All that was going through my head was that 'I could have done better." like I said, we're our own worse critic. So, here you have Joni expressing her amazement of the dance piece, we just got a standing ovation, and I'm still unsatisfied...until what happened next.
I had a bouquet of roses that I had forgotten to give Joni. Luckily she hadn't wheeled out yet and was still waiting backstage. Grabbing the flowers, I knelled beside her wheel chair and told her how grateful I was to meet her along with performing for her. What she whispered in my ear next got all and any second guessed thoughts out of my head. She whispered, "I'll never forget this night for the rest of my life. Thank you." Afterwards, all was right with the world.
Why is it we put so much pressure on ourselves? It's good you want your best to be better, but its enjoying the experience that makes it worth it. I believe this to be true...
Nicole
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