Clarity

Whenever I am booked for a speaking gig, I always tailor my speech according to the group to which I'm speaking. Of course, I am hired because people are interested and want to know my story, so I'm used to giving my testimony and account of my accident.

I'm used to going over my story. I'm used to going over all the details of my fall and all my injuries. I'm familiar with my story because, after all, it's mine. There is no need to worry about getting it wrong since I lived it. So, when I go up and am speaking these words to my audience, giving my account, I don't really expect surprises. Every now and then though, I catch myself becoming slightly overwhelmed with what I am saying.

Yesterday I was giving a speech. At one point,  I looked at my audience and said, "after all, I'm alive." When I spoke those four words, I could feel a lump in my throat. My voice started to quiver. I then followed up by saying, "I was told I would never walk again. Now look at me. I am a rare bird. I am a walking ambulatory quadriplegic." I struggled to pushed out each word. My eyes were fighting tears from forming and I struggled to maintain my composure.

Luckily,  I made it through my speech, but couldn't believe how affected I was by my own words. Not in a bad way. More like, in a "I can't believe how fortunate I am" sort of way. "I'm alive" kept ringing in my ears and in my head during the duration of my speech.

My life is not perfect, my experiences in life have not always been the best. My heart has had good days and bad, and despite all of that, I thank my lucky stars for each of those moments. It certainly beats the alternative.

Whether my day goes good or bad today, north or south, it doesn't matter. You know why? Because I was alive to experience it.

Nicole